I have one of those names that is easily Googleable, and in most cases, what you find is actually me (or another creative producer/director). Even before I decided to write and act and create an “online presence,” I had one. It was primarily linked to my professional career, but there are a few mentions outside of that.

An article about me and my late husband being foster-to-adopt parents. An interview about his death and the impact on our family and community. A survivor in an obituary in 1995.

There’s a lot out there about what I’ve done or what I’m doing, but that doesn’t tell you who I am. Similarly, if I were to look you up, I’d not be any closer to knowing who you are.

I started thinking about this as I was reading through social media, and a widower posted about an encounter where someone asked him who he saw in the mirror. He didn’t see himself, he realized. As I reflected upon that (no pun intended), I thought of a conversation I had at dinner on the ship with someone last week.

I told her I was traveling by myself and getting some perks from the casino (we all know what that means), and she said, “I’m feeling a little green over here.” I tried to lighten things up and told her the red overhead lights were balancing it out, so I didn’t see it. Yet, she persisted. She envied my life.

“Don’t,” I said. I placed my hand parallel to the ground at my nose level and said, “You only see the top part of this iceberg, not everything else.” (In retrospect, referencing an iceberg on a ship wasn’t in the best taste, but we were well away from any icebergs.)

We can’t fault people for making wrong assumptions based on how we present ourselves. This is the only thing they see: Single, successful, too young looking to be part of AARP (she didn’t believe I was 57). But that’s not me. They’re parts of me, just like being a dad, a brother, an uncle, a son, a widower (twice), an author, an actor, a filmmaker, a voter, a friend, creative, methodical, trusting, dependable, community member, coach, singer, and even a model.

These bits and pieces are part of who I am, especially my experiences. 

All of these bits and pieces remind me of a giant jigsaw puzzle. What if we took a second and just imagined this was life. Each piece is unique in shape, color, and texture. Some are smooth and familiar, representing long-held passions and talents. Others are jagged and unexpected, reflecting life’s curveballs and challenges. Every piece, from the vibrant joys to the shadowed sorrows, contributes to the intricate mosaic of who we are.

Growing up, we’re handed some pieces pre-shaped by family, community, and circumstance. We dutifully slot them in, forming the foundational outlines of our identity. But as we explore the world, sometimes we find those pieces don’t fit how they were thought. Maybe we embrace a new religion (or none at all). Perhaps we realize we’re gay. Maybe we travel the world and see the similarities instead of the differences. 

As we live, we collect the new pieces that come our way (my experiences). Some fit seamlessly, like your thriving creative career. Others challenge and reshape us, like the bittersweet memories of your late husband. Each piece carries a memory, whispering stories of laughter, heartbreak, resilience, and growth.

The journey and process of self-discovery, of knowing who we are, is in putting together the puzzle. We navigate the chaos of experiences, seeking connections and meaning in how the pieces, colors, and textures fit together. We experiment, discarding pieces that don’t fit and embracing those that provide us joy and meaning. Sometimes, pieces fit together unexpectedly, revealing hidden parts of ourselves. The puzzle evolves, reflecting our ever-changing perspectives and experiences. Ever expanding, as our universe is.

The beauty of your life is not just in the completed image but in the very act of seeking, connecting, and integrating these diverse pieces. The jagged edges, the mismatched colors, the blank spaces – they all tell a story, adding depth and authenticity to your unique puzzle. Just as the iceberg wouldn’t be the same without its hidden depths, you wouldn’t be who you are without the totality of your experiences.

Life is messy. Embrace the imperfections, the mismatched colors, and the blank spaces yet to be filled. It is in this intricate puzzle, not in a single, curated image that the true essence of who you are shines through.

Your puzzle is unique to you, yet it offers beauty to the rest of us. Embrace the pieces that make you, YOU.