I feel a little bit like I did after that show I did in March. I have been going full-tilt during pre-launch for the new Grief Recovery for Adults book, and once I finally got everything done to prepare for tomorrow’s release, I felt like I had nothing to do. There was a sense of … emptiness. That’s really the only word I can think of.

Which, frankly, feels a little odd since I really should feel a sense of accomplishment. If I pulled back the curtain and showed you everything I did, including a near-last-minute creation of a companion journal, I think even you might agree with me. I should feel proud.

Yet…

There’s an emptiness. 

I am taking this as an opportunity for me to shift my focus from working in my office to working on myself and what’s next. My next “big project” is to prepare for filming my second feature film while awaiting the release of the first. I received the final script this week, and I’ll just say, I have my work cut out for me. Not only in dialogue, but in action. That’s right: this pudgy 57-year-old is taking on an action role, but not as a hero.

I have three months to mentally and physically prepare, so I have a feeling that the emptiness I talked about will be short-lived. How does a nice guy like me transform into … someone not so nice?

Transforming into a character is not unlike what I’ve had to do in life. When I was younger, I was a chameleon, able to blend in with my peers. In high school, I was a nerd, a brain, a mod, a prep, a jock, a theater geek; I was able to socialize with anyone in any circumstance. As I got older and more aware of who I was and how I was perceived by the world, I felt I had to retreat and hide part of myself. To this day, I find myself a social introvert—I can socialize, but I’m an introvert.

But worse, I’m an introvert that’s private about myself. Which, if I think about it, is totally laughable! I mean, I am literally an open book. I put myself out there all the time and some of you know me better than some of my friends, as a result.

After my first husband died, I retreated even further into myself, that is, until I found my “ENOUGH!” moment and started thinking there was more to life than what I was living. And that’s how I began to transform myself. I needed to see a future. I needed to see myself in the future; then, I needed to figure out how to make that happen.

Similarly, with this character, I need to see him as he sees himself. Nobody sees themselves as the villain. It’s the outside perspective of judgment that places that label on someone. I’ll find that place of imagination and creativity to create and embody this character, just like I’ve had to use my imagination and creativity to create and embody who I am now.

Here’s the thing: we all have an idea of who we are and who we want to be. We align our values with who we want to be, but so many people want to be someone who doesn’t align with their values, and their lives are frustrated because of it. I need to embrace values to play this character that are antithetical to who I am, and that’s causing me a bit of frustration.

The trick is, then, to know your values and align who you want to be with them. You need a clear picture of what you want on the other side of this transformation, and you need a foundation on which to build it. Your values are the foundation because they’ll never trip you up. If one of your values is to be a nice person, you’re not going to build a foundation that requires you not to be nice.

So, while I spend the next few weeks and months trying to transform myself (or, at least, a part of myself), what are you going to do? Do you have a future vision of what your life should be? Do you have an idea of how to get there? Are you taking steps in that direction?