Spending as much time in the self-help space, I see a lot of inspirational sayings, like, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade” or “The darkest hour is just before the dawn.” Some of these clichés hit home, but others don’t.
Things like “when you rearrange the letters in the word DEPRESSION, you get I PRESSED ON.” When I first saw that a few years ago, my first thought was, “Yes! That’s so inspirational!” But as I sat with it, I realized something: this is a good example of toxic positivity.
Now, I’ve been accused of being toxically positive in the past; that’s okay because I do tend to lean toward positivity, but in this case, I believe it truly is toxic, especially without context.
Here’s the thing: depression isn’t one-size-fits-all. There are a myriad of reasons and types of depression—situational depression, clinical depression, and postpartum depression, to name a few. Situational depression often arises from major life events, like the loss of a loved one or a significant change, and it can feel overwhelming but is typically tied to a specific cause. Clinical depression, on the other hand, is more persistent and may not always have an identifiable trigger, making it harder to address without professional help. Postpartum depression, experienced by some new parents, is influenced by hormonal changes and the emotional toll of adjusting to life with a newborn. Each type of depression requires its own unique approach to treatment and understanding. Simply “pressing on” isn’t going to correct most of them, and that’s why this kind of thinking can be damaging. It implies that if you’re struggling, it’s because you’re not trying hard enough.
After the death of my second husband, I knew I needed help. Being widowed twice was, understandably, shattering to me. At first, I struggled to sleep and felt overwhelmed by the weight of my emotions. After my first loss, I had turned to drinking to numb the pain, but I knew I couldn’t do that again. I had two children who needed me and I needed to be present for them. I realized I couldn’t keep pushing forward on my own—I had to find a healthier way to cope. When I sought professional help, I was diagnosed with situational depression and offered medication to help level the anxiety while working through my emotions in therapy.
Simply “pressing on” wouldn’t have made me feel better. Pressing on, with support and medication, did. Pressing on, in my case, meant working on emotions the loss brought up—things like fear, anger, and even guilt. It was a process, not a switch I could flip with a positive saying.
What helped me most was accepting that I didn’t have to do it alone. Therapy became a lifeline where I could safely explore my feelings. Medication gave me the stability I needed to face each day. And over time, I built routines that helped me feel grounded, like journaling and connecting with friends who understood. My journaling eventually grew into something bigger: the PURPOSE Journal. Initially created to support my book Grief Recovery for Adults, the journal allowed me to share the same reflective prompts and exercises that helped me work through my emotions. Journaling became a way for me to reflect, process emotions, and find clarity during difficult times, and the prompts I’ve included help focus thoughts.
Depression is complex, and there’s no shame in needing tools to navigate it. For some, that might mean professional counseling or medication. For others, it might mean leaning on a trusted support system or finding small, manageable ways to rebuild routines. The key is recognizing that help is available and that it’s okay to ask for it.
As I reflect on the 11th anniversary of my second husband’s death this week, I’m reminded of how those difficult moments became a catalyst for change—leading not only to my healing but also to the work I do today. The journey through the emotions associated with loss helped me heal. It inspired the creation of this Life After Losses journey, including the books and the Emotional Mastery course, which grew from the lessons I learned in those moments. After experiencing firsthand how overwhelming emotions like fear, guilt, and despair can feel, I wanted to share what I’d learned. The course is a collection of tools and insights that helped me find clarity and stability during difficult times—techniques I still use today. If you’d like to explore these tools further, there’s a video available that walks through the course.
It’s about recognizing the emotions that hold us back and finding practical ways to work through them. For me, that has meant journaling to process my thoughts, learning to see things from a different perspective, and giving myself permission to feel—without trying to fix everything at once. The tools in Emotional Mastery grew out of these experiences. They aren’t about quick fixes but offering support as you navigate challenging emotions.
If you’re struggling, I want you to know you’re not alone. The emotions you’re feeling are valid, and I want you to know there are tools and people ready to support you. Whether it’s reaching out to a friend, starting therapy, or exploring something like my Emotional Mastery course, the most important thing is to take that first step. Healing doesn’t happen all at once, but every small step forward matters.
