Note: This is part five of seven that delves into the PURPOSE framework introduced in my book, Grief Recovery for Adults. As a reminder, PURPOSE was designed to empower and enlighten you toward a more fulfilling life experience following loss or, in my case, losses. The structure is designed to help you find a renewed sense of purpose in your life on your terms.
Life has a way of catching us off guard, doesn’t it? One moment, you’re strolling down a familiar street, savoring the aroma of your favorite coffee shop, and the next, a wave of grief crashes over you unexpectedly. Maybe it’s a song drifting from a nearby store or the sight of a couple holding hands that triggers it. Suddenly, you’re not just walking – you’re wading through a sea of emotions, trying to keep your head above water.
We’ve all been there, blindsided by grief at the most inopportune times—those triggering events I’ve written about before. In these moments, having a set of quick coping strategies can be a lifesaver. Think of it as your emotional first aid kit, always ready when you need it most.
Recognizing when you’re in an emotional crisis is the first step. It might not be the big anniversaries or holidays that trip you up, but the small, everyday moments—like realizing you’re shopping for one instead of two. The signs can be subtle: a sudden feeling of overwhelming sadness, a racing heart, or intrusive thoughts you can’t shake off. Seeing these signs for what they are—a natural response to your loss—is the first step toward managing them.
When grief hits like a tidal wave, having some self-soothing techniques can help you find your footing again. Deep breathing exercises, like the 4-7-8 technique, can calm your nervous system in a pinch. Grounding exercises, such as the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, can pull you back from the edge of a grief spiral by anchoring you in the present moment. Sometimes, the best way to shake off that wave of grief is to literally shake it off— a quick walk, a stretch, or even a spontaneous dance around your living room can work wonders.
Creating an emotional first aid kit can be a game-changer. This could be a physical box, a bag, or even a digital playlist—whatever works for you. Fill it with items that bring you comfort: a playlist of uplifting songs, a small little something that holds special meaning, a list of affirming mantras, or photos that make you smile. Having this kit ready means you’re prepared for those unexpected moments of grief, equipped with tools you know can ease your pain.
And remember what we talked about in Reach Out For Support and navigating this journey alone. Keep a list of emergency contacts at hand—trusted friends, family members, or professional support services. Having these lifelines readily available ensures you’re never truly alone, even in your most challenging moments.
As we navigate through grief, it’s crucial to remember that it’s not just our hearts that feel heavy—our bodies bear the burden, too. The mind-body connection is powerful and well-documented, and grief can manifest physically in ways we might not expect. You might find your sleep disrupted, your appetite changed, or your energy levels fluctuating wildly. These are physical expressions of your grief, not just emotional distress.
Gentle exercise can be a powerful tool for grounding and focusing during this time. A simple walk, allowing each step to be a moment of connection with the earth, can remind you that you are here, you are moving, you are alive. Practices like yoga or tai chi can offer a sanctuary for your sorrow while gently stretching your body and spirit toward healing.
Going out in nature, with its unspoken rhythms and cycles, can be a great source of healing. Its resilience and beauty mirror the journey of grief and recovery. It reminds us that growth and renewal are ever-present forces in our lives. Whether it’s a solitary walk in the park or tending to a memorial garden, engaging with nature can offer both solace and lessons in patience and transformation.
Nourishing your body becomes an act of self-care during grief. The food we consume plays a critical role in our overall well-being, affecting not just our physical health but our emotional state as well, which is also well-documented. While comfort foods can bring temporary solace, finding a balance that honors your emotional needs without compromising your physical health is key. Mindful cooking can even become a form of therapy, grounding you in the present moment and offering a way to honor the memory of your loved one.
We talked about grief being a messy mess of a mess in Unload Emotional Baggage, and in the middle of this chaos, establishing a routine can keep you steady. I’m not talking about a rigid schedule, but something flexible enough that supports and adapts to your healing process. Simple tasks like making your bed or watering your plants might feel monumental some days, but these tiny victories whisper in your mind, “You’ve got this. You’ll make it through.” Life should celebrate those little victories.
As you put the pieces of your life back together, remember that the person you are after loss is not the same person you were before. This isn’t a sentence to a diminished life. As we discussed last week, it can be an invitation to growth. Allow yourself the freedom to explore new interests, reflect on your values, and embrace change. Self-care isn’t selfish—it’s an act of survival and reverence for the life you continue to live.
Opening a new chapter after loss isn’t about forgetting or moving on—that’s impossible. It’s about learning to carry your loved one with you as you step forward, honoring their memory, but honoring your own need to live fully, too. This journey isn’t linear, and there’s no set timeline. Be patient and kind with yourself, and remember that healing is a process, not a destination.
If you’re looking for more guidance on navigating this journey of grief and healing using the PURPOSE framework, please consider exploring my book, Grief Recovery for Adults in more depth. It’s a companion for those difficult days, offering guidance and support as you work through your emotions and find your path to healing.
Next week, we’ll look at S in PURPOSE: Save Cherished Memories.
