Back in 1983, I was still in high school. Laura Branigan had a hit in “How Am I Supposed to Live Without You?” Teenage angst being what it is, I latched onto the song and bought the album without hearing anything else of hers. As I was preparing to write this week’s entry based on several recent conversations, I discovered that Michael Bolton co-wrote the song in 1982 and subsequently recorded his OWN version in 1990.
In 1997, LeAnn Rimes and Trisha Yearwood both recorded and released a version of “How Do I Live?” They were both nominated for a Grammy for the same song, and Yearwood took home the trophy.
You didn’t stumble into the wrong blog, and this isn’t really a music history lesson. But what if I told you these songs hold the key to navigating life’s most challenging moments?
For the last few weeks, I’ve had several conversations and been interviewed twice on the topics of grief recovery and happiness, or what I call living. For as long as I can remember, I have likened my emotions and thoughts to the songs around me—just like I did with Branigan in high school.
I latched onto these particular titles this week because of the questions they pose, which are exactly the questions we ask when faced with loss. In my particular case, the loss was through the death of my spouses. We ask these questions following any loss.
A beloved pet dying. A marriage being ended. A home swept away in a hurricane’s flood. Being laid off from a job. These, among so many other types of loss, make us wonder, “How am I supposed to live now? How do I live now?” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard, “How do I go on?”
The first thing I say is always the same: “You will. You’ll find a new way. Give yourself the space to do that.”
It’s not advice; I’m not giving someone the answer, but I am providing a sliver of hope that a solution exists and that it can be found. But that still begs the question: how do we live when faced with loss? I’m not talking about “existing,” so many of us do that anyway, but I’m talking about “living.”
What does living mean to you? You may not have thought about it before, so let me share what living means to me: living means happiness. The happiness that comes from gratitude. The happiness that comes from having hope and maybe a dream. The happiness that comes from experiences and learning from them, even when they’re not happy experiences. The happiness that comes in acknowledging those unhappy experiences and being able to embrace them, knowing they are part of the yin and yang of life.
So, yeah… when those unhappy experiences of life happen, I question. When asking questions, I find a solution. It’s not always immediate, but when we think “how,” our minds try to find a solution.
And that, my dear reader, is where the magic happens. In the asking, in the seeking, we begin to move forward. We start to craft our own answers to those haunting questions: “How am I supposed to live without you?” and “How do I live?”
The journey from loss to living isn’t a straight path. It’s more like a winding road with unexpected twists and turns and occasional potholes, which (if we’re being honest) is exactly like life without loss. Still, each step, each question asked and answered, brings us closer to a new understanding of ourselves and our ability to thrive.
What started as a music lesson turned into a life lesson, didn’t it? Those Grammy-nominated songs aren’t just about heartbreak but about the human spirit’s incredible capacity to adapt and thrive. When Trisha Yearwood and LeAnn Rimes sang “How Do I Live?” they weren’t just lamenting loss—they were inadvertently exploring the vast possibilities that lie ahead, even in the face of loss.
So, the next time you find yourself grappling with loss, remember this: You’re not alone in asking these questions. They’re the same ones that have inspired countless songs, stories, and, yes, even blog posts. They’re the questions that push us to redefine what living means to us, to discover new sources of happiness, and to find strength we never knew we had.
In the end, perhaps the most powerful answer to “How do I live?” is simply this: One day at a time, one question at a time, always moving forward. Because in the asking and the seeking, we’re already living—and that’s a song worth singing.
