Last week, we talked about what living means to you. Did you do your homework? Did you take a few moments to think about what living means to you in the wake of loss? Or did you just read and move on?
While both are reasonable reactions to what I shared, I hope you spent a little time thinking about what living means to you. But, if you didn’t, let me give you more food for thought.
“We enter life with an inhale; we exit life with an exhale. And in between, we live for those moments that take our breath away.”
I found this floating around recently and couldn’t see to whom I should attribute it, but it struck me as a great companion to last week’s entry. It reminded me of something I shared several months ago: life is marked by good and bad milestones, but the joy of life can be found in the spaces between those milestones.
In my mind, there’s only one way to feel those joyful moments in between: being mindful and being present in the day-to-day. I believe our default state should be one in which we feel happiness. That’s not to imply that we won’t feel other emotions; as someone who lives with grief and loss, we know that all too well. It’s also not meant to diminish our feelings or those of others, and it’s certainly not a call to be a Pollyanna.
It’s a call back to the PURPOSE framework I introduced in Grief Recovery for Adults and our first step: Perceive Reality. It’s about acknowledging where our lives are at a given time and without judgment. I’m my worst critic, and it’s a conscious effort not to judge myself, so I get it.
I also get that I can’t be happy unless I address those things that make me unhappy. So, when I take the time to sit and reflect on my life and how I’m feeling, if I find something causing distress, I do what I tell my daughter to do when faced with a problem: go into solution mode. Find an answer to remove or minimize the distress.
My first step is what we discussed last week: I ask myself, “How?” The “how” reveals itself differently to each of us. Once I’ve found my “how,” it’s time to implement it. In some cases, it may require action and monitoring; if not going to plan, I have no problem changing course. If life has taught me any lesson, flexibility is a big one. Frequently, however, I find it may be a shift in mindset (remember the “have to” vs. “get to” example?) that brings me to the present, mindful, in those in-between moments; those quiet spaces where life happens when we’re not looking.
These are the mundane Tuesday afternoons, the routine morning commutes, or the quick coffee breaks between meetings. These moments might not take our breath away in the dramatic sense, but they make up most of our lives. And here’s the thing: they can be pretty amazing if we pay attention.
Think about it: When was the last time you truly savored your morning coffee? Not just gulped it down, but really tasted it? When did you last notice how sunlight hits your kitchen table in the morning? Life often happens in these small, seemingly insignificant moments, and they’re easy to miss if we’re not careful.
Appreciating these in-between moments isn’t always easy. It takes practice. It’s about training ourselves to be present, noticing the little things we often overlook in our rush to get to the next big milestone, and remembering to ask ourselves, “How?” when we’re in distress.
Remember that quote? “We live for those moments that take our breath away.” While it’s true that life’s big moments can leave us in awe, I’d argue that we can find beauty in the ordinary if we’re willing to look.
Maybe it’s how your kid’s eyes light up when they tell you about their day. Or a stranger holding the door for you when your hands are full. Maybe it’s nailing a tricky task at work or finally figuring out that recipe you’ve been struggling with.
These moments might not stop us in our tracks, but they can certainly make us pause if we’re paying attention. They remind us that life is filled with small, good things, even with all its challenges.
Life, like breathing, has a rhythm. We take in experiences, we let out responses, and in between, we live. Just like how the pause between breaths matters for our physical health, the spaces between life’s big events matter for our emotional well-being.
We process, grow, and get ready for what’s next in these spaces. It’s where we find the strength to face our grief, the courage to chase our dreams, and the wisdom to handle life’s curveballs.
As we move forward from here, I challenge you – and myself – to pay more attention to these in-between moments. Let’s not just live for the big, breathtaking events. Let’s learn to find the good stuff in the everyday. Let’s make every breath count, knowing that the actual living happens in all the moments in between.
Because, in the end, life isn’t just about the milestones we reach or the big moments that leave us gasping. It’s about all the little breaths in between that, when added together, make up our lives. And that is truly something to take our breath away.
