The start of a new year often comes with a mix of emotions. For some, it’s a time of hope and fresh starts. But for those who are grieving, the idea of a “new year” can feel daunting. Grief doesn’t follow a calendar, and the pressure to set ambitious resolutions can feel like too much.

If this resonates with you, I want to offer a different approach: setting intentions instead of resolutions. During rehearsals of the stage show earlier this year, the director reminded us of “tension and intention” about how we showed up on stage. Intentions are less about achieving specific outcomes and more about guiding how you want to show up for yourself. They leave room for grace, flexibility, and the unexpected twists that life throws at us.

Why Intentions Matter

Grief changes how we see ourselves and the world. It’s easy to feel stuck or disconnected from the future. Setting intentions can help you reconnect with your values and give you a sense of direction without adding unnecessary pressure. Unlike resolutions, which often feel rigid, intentions focus on the journey rather than the destination.

For example, instead of saying, “I will be over this grief by summer” (which is impossible to guarantee), an intention might be, “I will take steps to nurture my well-being.” This shift in mindset can make all the difference.

How to Set Intentions That Support Your Healing

1. Start Small

Grief can make even the smallest tasks feel huge, so focus on what feels achievable. Instead of an overwhelming list, choose one or two intentions that resonate deeply. For example:

“I will prioritize rest when I’m feeling drained.”

“I will allow myself to experience joy without guilt.”

These simple commitments create space for growth without demanding perfection. Which of us is perfect?

2. Honor Where You Are

Your intentions should reflect your current needs and emotions, not what you think they “should” be. If this year is about survival, let that guide you. Intention examples:

“I will give myself permission to grieve at my own pace.”

“I will celebrate small victories, no matter how minor they seem.”

Meet yourself with compassion and honor the stage of healing you’re in.

3. Incorporate Reflection

Look back on the past year and identify what helped you cope or grow, as we talked about last week. Did journaling bring you clarity? Did connecting with others ease the burden? Use these insights to shape your intentions for the coming year. For instance:

“I will continue journaling to process my emotions.”

“I will reach out to someone I trust when I feel overwhelmed.”

Focus on Values, Not Outcomes

Intentions rooted in your core values—like kindness, resilience, or authenticity—can serve as a guiding star. Instead of saying, “I will exercise three times a week,” try, “I will care for my body in ways that feel good to me.” This approach keeps the focus on what matters most to you.

Write Them Down

There’s power in putting intentions into words. Write them in a journal, on a sticky note, or as a reminder on your phone. Revisit them regularly to remind yourself of the direction you’ve set, and don’t be afraid to adjust as needed. I’m old-school, so I like the tactile pen-to-paper approach.

Personalizing Your Intentions

Setting intentions isn’t about perfection; it’s about self-discovery. Here are a few examples to inspire you:

“I will practice gratitude for the small moments of peace.”

“I will allow myself to feel whatever comes up without judgment.”

“I will take one step toward rebuilding my routine.”

“I will prioritize self-compassion over self-criticism.”

You might find that your intentions shift as the year goes on—and that’s okay. The beauty of this approach is its adaptability.

Conclusion: A Gentle Path Forward

As we enter the new year, remember that grief doesn’t need to define the path ahead. Setting intentions allows you to move forward in a way that honors both your pain and your progress. Show up for yourself with kindness and care, and do not think it’s about “fixing” yourself or “moving on.”

This year, let your intentions be a reminder that growth is possible, even while coping with loss. And if you need a starting point, begin with this:

“I will be gentle with myself this year.”

What intentions will you set for the year ahead? I’d love to hear them—share your thoughts or reflect on them privately. Here’s to a year of healing, one step at a time.