Last weekend, I was in New York City to see the Off-Broadway premiere of Wounded. As you may know, I’m on the Board of the Del Shores Foundation, and our very first playwright winner also wrote Wounded. Being in NYC was an opportunity to 1) celebrate our first winner and 2) support the Foundation’s cause.

As you might assume from the title, the play had to do with being wounded and the scars left in these characters’ lives as a result. And, ultimately, how they reacted to those wounds, pushing them down certain paths in their lives. 

I won’t give a review of the play in this space (I’ll leave that to the professionals), but I was struck by, and reminded of, the wounds and scars we have in our lives — and the wound of a broken heart with the loss of someone is one of the most difficult to heal from.

My body has plenty of scars on it that are visible from scrapes, scratches, cuts, and burns — a lifetime of being a klutz or “invincible” child running through plate glass windows. Each scar has its own memory, and three of them share one (see the aforementioned plate glass reference). Those scars are recognizable and part of me.

Then, of course, we have the wounds and scars that nobody sees. Those emotional wounds from being picked on in middle school, to losing your husband, to losing another, to… I’m projecting here; I apologize. But you get what I’m saying.

Like the characters in the play, events happen around us and to us that wound us, and how we react and tend to those wounds is important. Do we wind up with a big scar or an open, festering wound? Or do we wind up with a micro-scar because we tended to the wound?

Those emotional wounds need the same care as those physical ones. It’s a journey of healing that takes both courage and vulnerability. Just as a doctor might stitch a wound or apply a bandage, we should also take steps to nurture our emotional scars toward healing.

You know me: the first thing I always suggest is to acknowledge and validate. Acknowledge the pain. Look, emotional wounds are often brushed under the carpet with a “move on” or “get over it” attitude. But healing starts when we validate our feelings, acknowledging that it’s okay to be hurt, grieve, or feel lost. It’s not judging our feelings. It’s like giving a nod to that bruise and saying, “I see you, and it’s okay to be here.”

Another suggestion is to seek help. Just as we might see a doctor for a physical wound, seeking support for emotional wounds is crucial. This could be in the form of therapy, counseling, or simply finding a listening ear in a friend or family member. It’s about creating a support system that allows for emotional expression without judgment. Remember, even the strongest warriors had their comrades.

Don’t forget about self-compassion and being kind to yourself. Often, we’re our own worst critics. We berate ourselves for feeling certain emotions, adding insult to injury. Practicing self-compassion is like applying a soothing balm to these wounds. It means treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend in pain. Why do we find that so difficult for ourselves?

You also need an outlet for your emotions. Healing also involves finding the right outlets for your emotions. This could be through creative expressions like writing, painting, or music or physical activities like hiking, yoga, or dancing. These activities aren’t just distractions; they’re channels for processing and expressing what we feel inside.

We also need to reframe the narrative and peel back that BS (Belief System) that put us where we are. How we talk to ourselves about our wounds significantly impacts our healing journey. Instead of being trapped in a narrative of victimhood, try to find a story of survival and strength. I did that by writing Life After Losses and sharing my journey. We do this in my Happiness Coaching. This isn’t about denying the pain. It’s about changing the perspective to see the growth and resilience that has come from it.

The old adage is “Time heals all wounds.” And, just like physical scars, emotional ones also take time to heal. There’s no set timeline or deadline. Y’all know (or should) how much I loathe someone else’s timeline. Healing is a process, not a race. Be patient with yourself. Allow yourself the time to grieve, to feel, and gradually, to heal. 

At the end of the day, like the characters in Wounded, our reactions to these emotional scars shape our paths forward. Unlike the characters in that play, we can heal and transform these scars into stories of resilience and hope by tending to our wounds with care, understanding, and patience.