Note: This is part six of seven that delves into the PURPOSE framework introduced in my book, Grief Recovery for Adults. As a reminder, PURPOSE was designed to empower and enlighten you toward a more fulfilling life experience following loss or, in my case, losses. The structure is designed to help you find a renewed sense of purpose in your life on your terms.
Imagine a family quilt, each thread and panel representing a connection, a memory, a shared laugh. When someone we love dies, we don’t stop adding to this intricate work of art. Instead, we find new ways to weave their essence into the fabric of our lives.
Our relationships with those we’ve lost aren’t over; they’ve simply evolved. We can keep these bonds alive through various means. Some find solace in writing letters to their loved ones, pouring out thoughts and feelings in a special notebook, as I did. Others might take reflective walks in places that hold meaning, using the time to ponder how their connection has changed and continues to influence their choices.
Creating new traditions can also be a powerful way to honor memories while making space for the future. Consider starting a memory jar and filling it throughout the year with notes about moments you wish you could share. On a special day, review these notes and celebrate your loved one’s ongoing presence in your life.
The love we share shapes us and influences how we interact with others, how we face challenges, and how we grow. Carrying out acts of kindness in memory of those we’ve lost can be a beautiful way to keep their spirit alive. What might they have appreciated? A donation to a cause they cared about? A random act of kindness for a stranger?
For those who find comfort in spiritual practices, creating a dedicated meditation space can provide a physical reminder of your connection. Decorate it with photos, candles, or items that feel significant. Nature lovers might find peace in making biodegradable offerings in outdoor spaces with meaning for their loved one.
You can look at legacy project, which offer another avenue for keeping memories vibrant while making a positive impact. These can range from establishing scholarships to creating foundations supporting causes they were passionate about. Community projects, like donating a “Buddy Bench,” as I did, to a local school or renovating a community center, can embed your loved one’s legacy into everyday life.
When working on those types of projects, think about what truly captures the spirit of your loved one. What lit up their eyes? How did they impact those around them?
While honoring the past is important, it’s equally crucial for you to stay grounded in the present. Use mindful breathing we talked about last week as an anchor when memories surge. Engage your senses to ground yourself, be it a particular scent, the feel of fabric, or the taste of mint can tether you to the now. Practice gratitude by identifying one thing you’re thankful for each day, shifting focus to the small wonders of the present.
Certain days may magnify loss, turning the calendar into an emotional minefield; those are what I call anticipated triggers. Plan ahead for these difficult days. Decide in advance how you want to spend them and how you want to feel that day, whether it’s visiting a special spot, spending time with friends, or allowing yourself a day of quiet reflection. Set an intention for how you wish to feel by the end of the day; don’t just let the day’s emotions run roughshod over you. You can help take control of the day’s narrative.
Reflecting on our experiences is helpful as we navigate this journey of remembrance and growth. I hope you’ve been keeping a PURPOSE journal to explore your feelings and memories. I write about happy moments shared, how those memories make me feel today, and the ways in which I’ve kept them alive. Imagine conversations with your loved one, sharing updates about your life, and listening for their wisdom in your heart.
Remember, cherishing memories is about honoring those we’ve lost while remaining firmly rooted in the present, not living in the past. The love we shared didn’t end with their passing; it simply changed form. As we move forward, let’s carry the lessons learned, the love shared, and the gratitude that binds them together, stepping into each new day with open hearts and a renewed sense of purpose.
If you’ve found comfort and insight in these reflections, you might appreciate the deeper exploration and practical guidance found in Grief Recovery for Adults. It’s filled with more stories, exercises, and wisdom to support you on your journey of healing and growth. Consider gifting yourself or a loved one this resource as a companion for the path ahead.
Next week, we conclude our series with the E in PURPOSE: Embrace Personal Growth.
