Note: This is the end of our seven-part series that delves into the PURPOSE framework introduced in my book, Grief Recovery for Adults. As a reminder, PURPOSE was designed to empower and enlighten you toward a more fulfilling life experience following loss or, in my case, losses. The structure is designed to help you find a renewed sense of purpose in your life on your terms.
Imagine for a moment that you’re rearranging your living room furniture. Each shift brings a different perspective, changing how you interact with the space. This act of rearranging the pieces mirrors the process of rediscovering oneself after a significant loss. We have to shift, rearrange, and even let go sometimes of the pieces that no longer fit. We do this to find new comfort and purpose in your transformed existence.
A loss can feel like it erases parts of our identity. The roles we played, the future we envisioned, and the daily interactions that defined us suddenly seem to belong to a life that’s no longer ours. The task then is to sift through the remnants, find ourselves amidst the rubble, and piece together a version of ourselves that honors who we were and who we can become.
When we start looking at who we are after loss, it’s like standing in front of a mirror and not recognizing the person staring back. How do we even start to see who we are now? Start by asking yourself some grounding questions: What values still resonate with me? What activities bring me peace or joy? How do I see my relationship with my loved one now? Reflection is the first step toward clarity.
I’ve shared that who we see ourselves as—our identity—changes throughout our lives. Loss accelerates these changes. Losing a spouse might mean finding strength in solitude or new companionships. Losing a job might shift your identity from career-driven to someone who finds meaning in volunteer work or creative pursuits. These shifts highlight growth, adaptation, and resilience.
Embracing this new version of ourselves is challenging. It involves looking at your reflection, with all its changes, and accepting it with kindness. Start small. It could be adopting a new hobby or exploring new beliefs. For me, it was sharing my story and acting again after 30+ years.
The journey of rediscovery after loss involves introspection and acceptance. It’s about finding balance, embracing change, and allowing the love we carry for those we’ve lost to guide us forward.
But how do we get to acceptance?
You know, when the earth quakes and our world tilts, we’re left on unfamiliar ground. This terrain in front of us looks scary but offers a new opportunity to assess the direction we want our lives to take. It’s like standing at a crossroads, GPS or map in hand, trying to decide which path to take—not just to move forward but to rediscover who we are and what we cherish most.
Adjusting our goals is not giving up on dreams; it’s acknowledging that life has changed. My goal to retire with my husband (either one of them) ended with his life. For a long time, I couldn’t dream again. Adjusting goals is simply a recalibration. When we ask ourselves, “What matters to me now?” our subconscious works to give us an answer, guiding us to new objectives.
Finding meaning in new goals involves connecting them to who we are. We make sure they contribute to a sense of purpose and fulfillment. Infuse your goals with personal significance, and align goals with your values.
I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but one way is to break goals into small, manageable steps. This transforms a large goal into a series of achievable actions. Celebrate completing these tasks, no matter how minor they seem. We’ve talked about that before. Doing so reinforces a sense of accomplishment and propels you forward.
But remember: celebrating progress isn’t just about acknowledging achievements; it’s a vital part of the healing process. It reminds us of our strength, resilience, and capacity to grow despite adversity. Share your achievements with others. This allows you to celebrate together and reinforces your support network, a crucial component of navigating grief.
Our grief has become a teacher. We uncover truths about the world and ourselves that reshape our understanding and approach to life. These lessons are insights that come from experiencing love, loss, and the intricate dance between them.
From the moment loss touches our lives and the world shifts, we are introduced to lessons we might never have learned otherwise. These insights come from experiencing love, loss, and the intricate dance between them.
Grief alters our perspectives. It shifts how we view life, relationships, and ourselves. These new viewpoints encourage us to re-evaluate what truly matters, embrace the complexity of emotions, and deepen our connections.
Several weeks ago, I wrote about the importance of sharing our stories and listening to the stories of others. We learn from this community of mourners, and in doing so, we demonstrate hope to others.
If you’ve found comfort and insight in any of these reflections over the last seven weeks, you might appreciate the deeper exploration and practical guidance found in Grief Recovery for Adults. It’s filled with more stories, exercises, and wisdom to support you on your journey of healing and growth. Consider gifting yourself or a loved one this resource as a companion for the path ahead.
