Oscar Wilde once said, “I think it’s very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person.” That hits home, doesn’t it? Especially last week during Valentine’s season when the world can make being alone feel like there’s something wrong with you—as if you’re incomplete without a partner.

If you’ve ever been asked why you’re not dating yet or when you’re going to “put yourself back out there,” you know how overwhelming those questions can feel. After a big loss or major life change, the last thing anyone needs is the added pressure of explaining their choices.

But here’s the thing: being alone doesn’t have to mean being lonely. It can be a chance to regroup, heal, and rediscover yourself on your own terms.

Redefining Independence

Let’s get something straight: being alone isn’t a problem that needs fixing. It’s not about waiting for the next chapter to start—it’s about taking time to figure out what you want that chapter to be.

When people ask questions like, “Why aren’t you dating yet?” it’s usually because they care or they’re curious. But if you’ve gone through a loss, it can feel like they’re dismissing the work you’re doing to heal and grow. Being on your own isn’t just a phase to get through. It’s a chance to focus on what really matters—your values, your passions, and what makes you feel whole.

Finding Yourself Again

For so many of us, taking time alone is a key part of healing. It’s about giving yourself space to feel everything, without distractions or pressure.

After my second loss, friends meant well when they encouraged me to “get back out there,” but I wasn’t ready. Being widowed twice wasn’t just about losing my partners—it meant losing the life I’d built with them. I needed time to figure out who I was, not as part of a couple, but as me.

That time alone wasn’t easy, but it helped me work through my feelings and understand what I wanted next. It gave me the chance to reset and rediscover what mattered most.

Making the Most of Time Alone

If you’re navigating a season of solitude, here are a few ideas to help make it meaningful:

• Create Moments for Yourself: Set aside time to check in with yourself. Journal, meditate, or even just sit with your thoughts. These moments of quiet can help you figure out what’s working in your life and what’s not. I created the PURPOSE Journal as a tool for me to do just that.
• Find Things That Bring You Joy: Try new hobbies, go on a trip, or just do something you’ve always been curious about. It’s okay if you don’t know what you’ll love right away—experiment until something clicks.
• Set Boundaries With Confidence: When someone asks why you’re single or taking time for yourself, it’s okay to respond simply: “This is what feels right for me right now.” Your journey doesn’t need to fit anyone else’s timeline.

Handling the Pressure to “Move On”

Let’s be real—questions like “Why aren’t you dating?” can sting, even when they come from a good place. You don’t owe anyone an explanation, but if you want to respond, try something like:

• “I’m focusing on myself right now—it feels like the right thing to do.”
• “I’m not rushing into anything. I want to take the time to grow and heal.”

Remember, your choices are yours. No one else gets to decide what’s right for your life.

Honoring Your Independence

Here’s an idea that might feel uncomfortable at first: independence isn’t something to be scared of. It’s a chance to figure out who you are, what you want, and what makes you happy. Even in the face of loss, it’s still a gift to define you again.

Being on your own gives you the freedom to set your own course and live at your own pace. It’s not about waiting for someone to complete you—it’s about realizing you’re already whole.

What have you learned about yourself during a time of independence? How has being alone shaped the way you see your future? Let’s reflect and share—because even when we’re finding our own paths, we’re not alone in the journey.