Honoring Your Own Pace

We live in a world that constantly tells us to move faster. Heal quickly. Get back to normal. Be productive every moment. And if you’re not keeping up? You start to feel like you’re falling behind. But here’s the truth—growth, healing, and progress aren’t things you can force. They happen in their own time, and the best thing you can do for yourself is to honor your own pace.

The Pressure to “Move Faster”

If you’ve ever felt like you “should” be further along—whether in grief, your career, or personal growth—you’re not alone. There’s real pressure in our society to measure success by speed. When I wrote Life After Losses, I included this truth: There is no timeline. You will progress and regress until you die. It might sound harsh at first, but really, it’s freeing. It means that you’re not behind, you’re not doing it wrong—you’re simply moving at the pace that’s right for you.

Grief is a perfect example. People often expect it to follow a neat, predictable path. But in reality? It’s messy. Some days, you’re okay. Other days, something small knocks you back into the deep end. And that’s okay. Healing isn’t about checking off stages—it’s about learning to live alongside what’s changed.

The Challenge of Outside Opinions

Sometimes, the hardest part of honoring your own pace isn’t your own doubt—it’s other people’s expectations. If you’ve ever had someone question why you’re “still grieving,” why you haven’t “moved on,” or even why you’re too positive about loss, you know exactly what I mean.

I’ve been sharing my story for over four years, and in that time, I’ve encountered my fair share of criticism. Once, someone told me I was too positive about grief. At first, I questioned myself. Was I ignoring the hard parts? But then I realized—no. I wasn’t pretending grief was easy. I was showing that life after loss is still possible. And not everyone is ready to hear that.

The same goes for any kind of personal growth. Whether it’s career shifts, lifestyle changes, or how you choose to process emotions, not everyone will understand your journey. And that’s okay. Their timeline isn’t yours, and your journey isn’t theirs. The important thing is that you stay true to what feels right for you.

Finding What Works for You

Just like healing, productivity, and progress look different for everyone. Some people thrive on strict schedules. Others need flexibility. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to success.

For me, productivity has never been about rigid routines. I have a lot on my plate—writing, acting, creating content, running a business, working full-time, and being a parent. I don’t always work at the same time every day, and I don’t force creativity when it’s not there. I fit things in where I can. And that works for me.

Maybe you’re someone who thrives on structure, or maybe you need space to move at your own rhythm. The key is recognizing what helps you function best and letting go of the idea that you have to do it like someone else.

Gratitude & Small Steps

There’s one thing that has helped me the most in embracing my own pace and finding what works for me: gratitude. When you’re constantly focused on where you “should” be instead of where you are, it’s easy to miss how far you’ve already come.

Over the past four years, I’ve written over 220 blog posts, published three books, and connected with thousands of people through my work. But the moments that mean the most? When someone tells me, Your words helped me through one of the hardest times in my life. That’s what keeps me going. And that’s why I remind myself daily to focus on what matters, not how quickly I get there.

The same is true for you. Maybe you’re not where you want to be yet. Maybe things are taking longer than you expected. But if you pause for a moment and look back, you’ll see it—you’re growing. You’re learning. You’re making progress, even if it’s in small steps. Life isn’t about living by timelines.

Moving Forward on Your Own Terms

At the end of the day, honoring your own pace is about giving yourself permission—permission to heal in your own time, to grow in your own way, and to succeed in the way that works for you. There’s no finish line. No race. Just your journey, unfolding in the way it’s meant to.

So, what’s one way you’ve learned to embrace your own pace? How has letting go of outside expectations changed your journey? Take a moment today to reflect on just how far you’ve come.