I’ve spent a lot of time over the last several weeks focusing on the transition from who I was to who I am becoming, and I’ve taken you all along for the ride. Whether I was talking about who I was on stage or how I’m learning to hear again using the cochlear implant, I’ve been a cheerleader for living in this in-between space.

But here’s the thing: who I am becoming—and who YOU are becoming—is still a transitional identity. Like a shark needs to keep swimming to stay alive, we need to continue becoming. We need to embrace not only who we were, but who we are, right now. And here’s something you might not expect: your life is in a constant state of transition, of becoming.

And that brings me back to the first P in the PURPOSE framework from Grief Recovery for Adults: Perceive Reality. We need to acknowledge who we are in this moment, without judgment, before we can work toward who we are becoming.

I saw a meme not long ago that stuck with me. It said, “Stop cheating on your future with your past. It’s over.”

I have to admit that when I saw that, it stopped me in my tracks. Because as much as I’ve leaned into transitions, I still find myself slipping into old stories sometimes. Who I used to be. What I used to have. The version of life I expected. But I can’t live in the past of what was, even if some of it was beautiful.

I know I can’t change the past, even if I wanted to. I can’t go back. But I can change my relationship with the present.

So, what are some ways we can stop romanticizing the past and start showing up more fully in the now?

Here are a few thoughts:

1. Get clear on your current reality.

This doesn’t mean you have to love everything about your life right now, but naming where you are is the first step. What do your days actually look like? What do you feel when you wake up in the morning? Who are the people in your life right now? Writing this down without judging, filtering, or editing can be powerful. Just be honest. You don’t have to go deep or poetic. As Joe Friday used to say on Dragnet, “Just the fact, ma’am.”

2. Practice presence with intention.

It’s deceptively simple, but also incredibly powerful: slow down enough to notice your life. Put the phone down. Take a deep breath. Engage your senses. What do you see? Smell? Feel? The more connected you are to the present, the less likely you are to anchor yourself in the past.

3. Thank your past self, but stop living there.

That past version of you got you to this point. They deserve gratitude. But your current self is the one who gets to decide what happens next. Instead of rehashing what they did or didn’t do, try something like: “Thank you for getting me here. I’ve got it from here.”

4. Shift from “what was” to “what’s next.”

It’s easy to fixate on how things used to be, especially when we’re grieving a loss or adjusting to change. But what if we used that energy to build something new? What if we asked: What does the version of me I’m becoming need right now? What can I say yes to, even if it scares me a little?

5. Give yourself grace.

You’re not going to let go of the past overnight. You might revisit it. You might miss it, like I shared last week. That’s OK. But try not to live there. Set up camp in today, even if you’re still figuring out what it looks like.

We don’t need to erase our past to embrace the future. We just need to stop clinging to a version of ourselves that no longer fits. The future is waiting—and it needs your full attention.

So maybe today is a good day to stop cheating on your future with your past. To stop romanticizing what was, and to start building what can be.

Who are you becoming? And what might change if you fully claimed the version of you that exists right now?